Evolving Behavior

You know the irony of me getting sick (I caught a cold) when writing this article is that because of existing behavior, those of you that read this right at Monday morning know that something must’ve gone wrong. By knowing my behavior, you know my habits, you know when something is off of that normal behavior. Very meta.

I’ve noticed that one of the ways I differ than common public opinion is that I love change. I love changing things up because I really enjoy having something new to experience. That’s what also leads me in this journey of growth. Growth is Change and when I think of change I associate it with making something better. Learning more and more is the process of changing yourself to be better every day. I now can’t remember if it was Steven Bertlett of Diary of a CEO or Chris Williamson of Modern Wisdom, but one of them when talking about change said “when someone brings up ‘you’ve changed, man.’ I just respond with ‘I sure hope so.’”

As we reflect over the years of our lives, we’ve all changed - and that’s a good thing. Imagine a 30 year old still behaving like they did in 2nd grade, 7th grade, 12th grade, in their mid 20s. That’d be terrible. To go all those years and not have learned or grown at all? That’s the root of my desire for growth and change. I don’t want to be the person I was yesterday. I want to be better.

Watch History

Leading Body Language & Behavior Expert Explains…

Diary of a CEO, I have realized, is a podcast show in the same vain of The Growth Log. A man seeking to learn from the best experts in any field of interest. In this episode, Steven Bartlett hosts Chase Hughes, a former US Navy Chief and leading behavior expert and body language master. The conversation had a mix of bullet point lists and also some practical application. Here’s some of the lists Hughes mentioned:

Success/failure can be determined by 3 factors:
1. Self mastery
2. Observation skills
3. Communication ability

5 ways to develop gut feelings:
Environment
Time
Appearance
Social life
Financial life

Physical expressions of authority:
Movement
Appearance
Confidence
Connection
Intent

5 Cs of behavior profiling:
Change
Context
Clusters
Culture
Checklist

When it comes to communication storytelling is important but it’s more about speaking directly to your audience.

Identify what they need:
Significance
Acceptance
Approval
Intelligence
Pity
Strength/power

Chase Hughes presents many lists of attributes that he has studied about behavior and he explains the uses for each of the lists; where you would want to keep the lists in mind. However, something I thought was so interesting was that as he explained how so many people come to learn from him, everyone wants to have these lists but nobody wants to develop the skills. He says “Having a checklist of what to do does not mean you are skilled.” When we think about building skills, he also says “Everyone wants to learn communication skills when it’s how to speak to people but nobody wants to learn how to listen to people.”

It’s great to learn about these behavior attributes but the challenge I received from the episode was to learn the things that others skip. People want to learn the quick bullet points but not the depth of knowledge of how to listen and watch for behaviors. While others learn how to build their own authority over others, what if you instead built the other skills of watching behavior and listening to people? Think of how you would stand out when everyone takes the easy route and you actually took the time to learn. Hughes describes it as having a checklist of what to do in a plane vs being a pilot. He says that even if you get the list of what to do, it’s different when you actually devote time to building the skills into a mastery of the subject.

The Hidden Art of Reinventing Yourself - Matthew McConaughey

You know how when you have people over for dinner, you have casual conversation first over the course of the meal, but as it winds down, topics shift to a more serious tone, reflecting on life. That is this podcast. All the casual conversation has passed and now you sit at a table with Matthew McConaughey reflecting on life.

Being yourself is sometimes so difficult. It means being vulnerable. It means sharing parts of you that maybe you don’t even like. But watch the confidence that McConaughey has as he says “Who else am I supposed to be full of?” You are you. There’s nobody that will be exactly like you. Find the things that you do well and the things that you want to do well and pour your efforts into that.

McConaughey describes an time in his life after success where he wondered if he truly deserved all the accolades he received; if he truly has the skills, if he is as good as people believe him to be. He leaves the country and goes to a place that doesn’t recognize him at all - a place where he is “just Matthew.” He auditions for a role in a theater production and earns his stripes all over again. All to prove to himself, “Okay, I can do this. I really am good at what I do.” When do we do this? What are areas in our lives where we can prove to ourselves that we are good enough? I think maybe we’re so much our hardest critics that we don’t even take time to figure out what could possibly be our proficient skills.

Listening to this after the episode about behavior, it causes me to reflect on myself. What are the things I want to work on? What are the skills I want to learn? The projects I want to be a part of? What kind of person do I want to be? How do I want to lead my family?

Is it selfish? I don’t think so. Not inherently. The heart behind these questions is not me becoming the greatest human being out of selfish conceit; out of me wanting to be known for me. I desire these things because of the impact it makes on the people around me. I want to be better because of the impact I can then make on the people around me. The skills I build help those around me. Then I can constantly prove to myself that there is something I provide to the world. It is support and care for my loved ones.

Add to Watch Later:

• Joe Rogan Experience #2252 - Wesley Huff

• Jordan B Peterson: You Need To Listen To Your Wife! We've Built A Lonely & Sexless Society!

• Why "The Chosen" Resonates | Dallas Jenkins

Psst. I made a Playlist on YouTube for the videos I’ve mentioned here so that you can always refer back to it!

Reading List

The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday

I’ve really enjoyed this book as a nightly read. Nothing like philosophy to put the mind at ease for bed. Kidding. Kind of. Really, it has been a good read to close out the day because things like this encourage you to reflect on your day and prepare yourself for how to implement the things you learn into the day ahead of you. I’ve also really enjoyed learning more about Stoicism and I will continue in Holiday’s series with Ego is The Enemy.

We Who Wrestle With God by Jordan Peterson

On the topic of a light read before bed, pray for me. I think I need to start reading this before bed or else I won’t make headways on this book! I did read a little more in Section 2 and the topic at hand was that as people become more selfish or self-conscious they become more anxious and depressed. In relation to the Fall of Man and Adam and Eve seeing their nakedness, Peterson points out that when we focus on something greater than ourselves we thrive in the garden developed for us, but when we shift our focus to ourselves, the reaction is death. So profound. He backs up everything with current psychological findings as well!

The Growth Log Library

I’ve compiled a list of the books that I mention in case you want to pick any of it up. Full disclosure, these are affiliate links. Doesn’t cost anything extra on your end, I just get a kickback if you use my link to make a purchase.